Pour

Several times in the past few months a visitor has asked if their coming to Missions of Hope really matters. Is it really worth it they ask.  And of course we say yes, because it is worth it and it does matter.  The last person to ask this really wanted to know why and how.  How their team made a difference when so many others have been here doing VBS, a medical camp, Bring the Light, etc.  And to that I replied that it seemed like a big container that was being filled one small teaspoon at a time.  Every drop of water fills the pitcher slowly by slowly, and at times it can be hard to see how one small amount makes any difference.  (Disclaimer, those words must have come from the Spirit because I had never really thought about it that way before-thankful He gives me words to speak).

Every time someone comes and plays games, shares Bible stories, songs, snacks, hugs with these kids, it matters.  You pour.  When people share the light of Christ in the homes and the community, the pitcher fills a little more. When teams spend time with the staff washing their feet, encouraging them, training and assisting them, getting to know them etc.  Another teaspoon goes in.  When you eat in our home and allow us to see this place and this ministry through your eyes, you pour.  When teams return to their homes and share about their trip and ways to get involved, the water in the cup rises a little. When you leave and are never the same again-you guessed it-more pouring.

For those of us who remain, there really isn't a day that goes by where we are not aware of how much the pouring in matters.  We see happy children who are still excited by your visit.  Kids who remember the songs and memory verses you taught them. We see new schools being built as a result of your giving.  We see gifts and such sweet letters being sent to the students as sponsors build a beautiful relationship with them.  We see the Business department work tirelessly to keep up with all the new businesses and loans happening because of BigDent.  We see people finding hope in hopelessness.  Living in the light of Christ.

As Americans, many of us tend to be task oriented.  We want to see the end results, a project completed, some numbers to share.  I know this very well.   Kind of embarrassingly, I delight in my to-do list being completed.  I even give myself little check marks as I complete a task.  I am really finding the beauty in the slowness of the cup-filling. The planting seeds but perhaps never seeing the harvest.  This isn't about what I or you can accomplish. What we can tick off a list, but about going and just doing. Allowing God to complete this. A reminder that He has the control.  Long before we came and long after we are gone, He is still about the cup running over. About fruit. About eternity.

Keep pouring.  We may not always see the pitcher filled, the fruit harvested, but it's happening.  Slowly by slowly.  Drop by drop.

The Distance

Yesterday, I was blessed to go to coffee with Kathy (CMF missionary) (side note: so thankful to live in a place that I can get some awesome treats).  As we were chatting, she asked how we were doing.  I think Tim and I get asked this question at least 4 times per week.  She asked about various stages of culture shock and which one we thought we might be in-if any at all.  After a pause, I answered her with a "we just feel normal."  And we do.  As I left the house that morning to meet her, I thought of how it just feels like regular life here.  We have a routine.  Certain routes we take.  We buy groceries, veggies, meat at "our" places.  We work, come home, make dinner, chill, go to bed.  We get frustrated.  We would be lying if we said we didn't.  We get confused, feel uncertain, get sad.  We miss our families.  Our friends.  But like I told Kathy, in this we have this peace and this joy unlike anything we have ever experienced.  

It is so strange too because this peace and this joy are just there.  They seem to just hang in the air unnoticed.  We aren't generally bursting with joy, yet we feel it in the depths.  The peace is just a regular everyday calmness.  Perhaps it is the ease of normalcy.  Until we are asked about how we are doing we hardly think about it and yet we know it's there. 

The other day someone we love posted this verse on facebook Matt 19:27-30 and said it caused her to think of us (what an amazing compliment).  As I read those familiar verses, I couldn't help but think of the joy we have been given since we got here.  How, even though we miss those we love SO much, we are at peace.  This makes me love Jesus even more.  We are asked to follow.  To be obedient.  We aren't owed anything by Him, we have received life forever which is more than enough and YET He gives beautiful gifts to us so abundantly.  So richly.  And for Tim and I,  so often.  In this, some things barely feel like a sacrifice, but more like awesomeness!  Who are we that we get to do this!

But today, we feel this sacrifice.  In our hearts, it weighs so heavily.  We got a message yesterday that one of our closest friend's father passed away suddenly.  In that moment, we wanted nothing more than to hop in the car and go to them.  To hug them, to love them.  To take their kids to the park or something so they could mourn together, make arrangements, whatever.  And we can't. No matter how much we are aching for this, it cannot be done. So we must rely on technology to connect us.  And most importantly, prayer.  I have spent most of the morning praying for them. Praying that Jesus will give them so many people to do the things we want to do but can't.  He will because He loves them.  And so A LOT of other people.

Today this distance has settled in our hearts.  It feels funny.  We feel so in the middle today.  We want to be there, but yet want to be here.  We can't have both.  We love life here, but miss people there. Both of these things are okay-yet they feel conflicting. 

In January, we will have a new nephew.  He will likely be a year and a half old when we get to kiss his face, hold him, change a diaper.  Those are now our realities.  What a paradox our life is now.  As we navigate this new normal, we are so thankful for the riches poured out on us and on those we love.  Thankful for pizza, chicken wings, and belly laughs with new friends.  For coffee and pastries with someone I look up to. For technology so we can see the faces and hear voices of the ones we love.  For ease in transition.  For frustrations and uncertainties that cause us to seek out the face of Jesus.  For reliance on the Spirit dwelling in our hearts.

Today the distance feels far. Today the paradox is so real, so fresh.  Please, please lift our friends up in prayer.  If you know who we are talking about, please love on them a little extra for us. 

A Random Update

I cannot even count the number of blogs I have written in the past 2 months in my head.  Too bad none of them actually got out of my head and onto the screen!  These past 2 months have moved so quickly and have been so crazy. Some days I feel as though we live in the middle of a tornado.  But we love it. We are certainly learning what it looks like to live here and to work here by doing.  There is really no watching.  Things move too fast. There have been so many teams and other visitors in the past two months.  We have met a ton of people, answered questions, asked questions, ate dinners with new friends, worked alongside people who want to share love to those living here, and been constantly reminded of the overwhelming presence of God here.  Each night we fall into bed and sleep soundly.  This is generally after we have already been asleep on the couch for awhile. Our energy and hearts are being poured out daily.  This is the best kind of exhaustion.

Sometimes, however, all of this makes us grouchy.  It brings out our flaws and insecurities.  We totally get to see who we are under pressure or when things aren't how we pictured them that day, that moment, or that week.  We get to decide who we want to be.  Will we extend grace?  Will we show love? Will we have patience?  Will we change things that aren't healthy or good? This might be what some would call gut-check time.  Or perhaps heart-check time.

I would love to say we always choose the best.  But let's be honest-you know us.  We just don't.  It stinks sometimes to reflect on the day knowing you could have shown more grace or been more patient or relaxed about something just a little more.  On the flip side of that, I love seeing the things in myself that need repaired.  Or seeing things in others that we want to avoid.

We have learned so quickly that our lives will now be full of goodbyes.  They seem to be a constant. Just a few hours ago we said goodbye to 14 interns that we got to know pretty well this summer.  We have welcomed teams and other people and we have also said farewell to them.  We had family and close friends in our home and spent some awesome time with them.  And then we said goodbye. Again.  We have more people coming.  And going.  Although the goodbyes are not nearly as fun as the hellos, it is so awesome to be meeting people from all over the place with whom we share a passion.

We are so comfortable in our home.  Especially when its clean :)  We have hosted several teams, friends, and the interns.  I have been driving myself around a little more and Tim continues to be the pro.  Pretty sure he was born a Kenyan driver.  We are getting to know more and more of our
co-workers and are really enjoying them so much.

We miss our family and our friends.  We love it when we get to talk with them or "see" them.  Even though at times we ache to be near them, we are so constantly assured that we are where we ought to be.  Where we want to be.  Sometimes I can't believe how comfortable we are here.  Even at the end of the longest days,  we love it here.  Even when days are challenging, we want to be here.

Our minds our constantly spinning with all of these things combined with continuing to learn about Missions of Hope, Nairobi, meeting visitors, keep up with far away loved ones, connecting with each other, and with Christ.  Thanks to you all for you thoughts, prayers, and constant encouragement.  They are a precious gift to us.

So this is the randomness that has been in my head and heart for the past two months.  Finally, it has found its place on the screen!

Finally some pictures

Finally, we are posting some pictures.  I cannot figure out how to get the layout of these to look the way I want so this was the best i could do :)  If you are our friend on Facebook, you might have seen some of these pictures, but if you aren't we wanted to share a little bit about the place we call home with you.   Well, just the outside. We are still working on the inside.  Today, someone is here sewing us new couch covers and in a few weeks the team from West Side will be bringing more of our household goods.  After that we can give you a glimpse of the inside.  We love this place and feel so comfortable here. I just told Tim last night that I think I feel safer here than a few others places I have lived in. Perhaps that is because our door bolts into the wall, ceiling, and floor, there are bars on the windows, and we are on the fourth floor.  Who knows?!?!

Some of the others are on our way to work and at work.  We really don't take our camera with us much so our selection of photos is a little limited.  Enjoy!!

We didn't know when we moved in we would have
lake-front property (only during rainy season)..
Or a breeding ground for mosquitos!

Where we do our laundry

The road to work

Juja Road.  We turn off of this road to get to the center.
There are just a few obstacles to watch out for.

Missions of Hope Center.
Where we work   

Always construction.  And for awhile
there was also always rain.

Cooking dinner by candlelight.
We lose power sometimes and usually right in the middle
of doing something important.

View from Missions of Hope Center.

We might have used some of the money we
got from selling our car to go to the beach
to celebrate our anniversary.

I might have cried because it was so amazing.

View from the front porch.
The large black things you see are the water tanks.

View of our street.  At the end and across the street
is a fruits and vegetable market.

 What I assume would be the google earth
street view!

The sunset we can see from the back porch.  So incredible!

An almost new normal...

Over that past few days, several of the people we were in training with in Colorado have written blogs or shared articles about the challenges that come with moving to another country.  It doesn't matter where you go, it is just hard to assimilate into another world, another culture.  When we first got here, everything was exhausting to us.  Some stuff still is now.  People would always ask us what we did and why we were so tired and some days our answer was as simple as "we went to the grocery store."  Of course, it took over 3 hours, but still a trip to the store is not usually so tiring.  But it is when it is different.  And overwhelming. And you don't quite get how to do the exchange rate so you end up buying over $30 worth of chicken (not that this happened to us or anything!).  Everyone looks different than you. Speaks differently (and we live somewhere where English is spoken regularly).  They know how the systems work and they move through them with ease.  While you as just trying to get by.  The newness and cultural overload left us so incredibly tired.  Ten hours of sleep a night was not nearly enough.  Working short days would feel like you combined 2 days into one. Sometimes just getting in the car and arriving at work was draining.

But now....we do many of these things with a great deal of ease.  We have a few grocery stores we frequent and we know where things are and what we like and what we don't.  We have a butchery we go to.  We can even split up at the store and shop alone to get our list finished a little faster.  We can drive to work even when the road we normally travel is unexpectedly closed. We can find our way around town with a little help from a map.  All these things make us feel so great most days.  There has been such improvement. such transformation since we got here.  Just the other day they closed a road and we ended up on some random side road down by the river-a place I am pretty sure we didn't need to be, but once we got back on the main road, I said to Tim, "hey, I didn't even freak out when we were lost!" That is huge improvement!    Even with all of this there is so much more to learn.  Bargaining is a huge part of buying things here and we have a huge fruits and veggie market down that block, but we haven't gone yet.  We just aren't ready to bargain for everything. One thing at a time.  It's a marathon, not a sprint.

A typical day for us is getting up, getting ready, and leaving for work.  Not unlike in the U.S. we still prefer sleep to breakfast, so I grab some hot tea and we both get some small snack to eat at work.  Then we head to work.  It takes about 10 minutes to get there which is so great.  We have to drive through the outskirts of the slums, so Tim is avoiding people, animals, cars, potholes, etc.  I consider it success when we make it to work unscathed.  For the past few weeks, we have been sitting in the admin office sorting and processing letters, gifts, and thank you cards.  This past Friday, we got our new desks and saw our offices.  I am with some great women.  One is the head teacher, another is the supervisor of social work and others work for Human Resources. Tim is in the Spiritual Development office.  We have yet to sit at our desks and work as we are at home this week waiting for some work to be done in our house.  We are having a fundi (or skilled worker, in this case a dude who sews) come to our home and recover our couch cushions.  Our couch is a hand-me-down and we really like it, but the covers are very worn so we needed them done and really want them to look like "us".  We have spent a good portion of the past 3 days waiting for the fundi to show up (another cultural experience :)  But we can't wait to see the end result.

Thanks to those of you who have been constantly praying for our transition.  I really think it is grasping a hold of the small things that will give longevity to our lives here.  God has been so gracious to us as we have adjusted.  It hasn't even been 3 months and we feel so comfortable at work, getting to work, at home, at the store, etc. We are making friends and have been able to easily keep in touch with family and friends who are far away.   We are really beginning to feel as though we are developing a new normal. So those prayers for things that don't seem like much have been both answered and huge for us.  I can't tell you how great it felt yesterday for us to park on the street and for Tim to go pay a bill and me to head off the opposite way ALONE to shop.  Oh, but please don't stop praying for us and our transition.  We have only scratched the surface of all there is to learn and to know.

That Moment When.....

You know that awesome moment when you went to Kenya 4 years ago and met these great women who really touched your heart, but you thought you would never see them again, but then you run into one of them in the hallway at work?  Me too.  I love it.  It happened Tuesday.  This blog explains a little more about them.  Winnie was one of the ladies who really captured our hearts (she is sitting the photo above).  She has this smile that is absolutely contagious and when she sees you she is so genuinely excited to be with you.  She does not speak English well and we do not speak Swahili well so we have never really been able to talk to her, but  we have never had trouble communicating our joy.  When we were support raising, we told the story of Winnie several times because she just impacted us so much.

Honestly, I never thought we would see her again. Sometimes, those things make me sad, but I know that part of life is loving others, planting hope within them and many times you move on.  A lot of times you just don't get to know what happens.  You pray for the best and trust these beautiful souls to Jesus.

So, you can imagine my surprise when I walked out into the hallway on Tuesday and ran RIGHT INTO Winnie.  And the best part is, she remembered me.  And Tim.  Her face lit up and we hugged and squealed. Then I yelled to Tim and he was so excited.  We "talked" for a only few minutes because she was there to see a teacher.  What that means is 1)She is still alive!! 2) She is still around and is doing well 3)Her kids are getting a fantastic education.  Tim and I were so ecstatic I thought our hearts might burst.

What made all this even more special was that on Monday night we had been talking about how "doing ministry" has looked a lot different for us this time than it did as interns.  When we were interns we were always in the community, sharing Christ, forming relationships, hugging kids, encouraging others, being with the people.  For a few weeks we did some of that, but now we sit in an office. We read, sort, and prepare letters and gifts from sponsors for the students.  It is so great and I wish there was a way to communicate to you the relationship that is being built across thousands of miles.  Simply by the written word.  And a few stickers.  Most sponsors and their sponsored kid(s) will never meet, but there is such a love communicated through letters, cards, and gifts small enough to fit in an envelope. We love this, but it seems different.  Because, well, it IS different.

This conversation began because someone commented on this photo on Facebook and mentioned it being a picture of God's call on our lives (still can't believe God asked us to come and love on these precious ones. As a job!).  And it is.  Yes, 4 years ago we walked around and hugged on kiddos ALOT and since we absolutely adore these children it is one of the biggest ways in which we fell in love with this place and this ministry, but now we are getting to be such a part of the backbone of this ministry.  Still the kids of course, but also the school, and the Hope Partnership Child Sponsorship program.  Everyday, not only do we get to see these faces and hear them playing, we get to be a part of continuing to connect them with someone across the globe who loves them.  We get to do this for a LONG time, much longer than two months.

As we have been adjusting to being here, I have really been thinking about what ministry looks like.  And what I feel like I am being shown is that it doesn't really look any particular way.  It is sharing love, hope, laughter, tears, joy, smiles, words in Swahili (or English).  It is hugs and games.  It is a greeting. A song.  It is driving through crazy traffic. It is buying our groceries.  Walking into our apartment compound.  It is all these things that we do each day-with Jesus added to them.

I love that God gave us this beautiful gift of seeing Winnie again.  We got to see the fruits that resulted from hope planted.  That doesn't always happen. Probably doesn't even happen often.  So thankful it happened Tuesday!

Mailings

Many of you have asked about sending things to us.  Here is our mailing address:

CMF/Kenya %Tim and Alicia Stewart
PO Box 59322-00200
City Square
Nairobi, Kenya
EAST AFRICA

At this time, it is best NOT to mail packages. We will be charged at customs to retrieve them and prices can vary. However, you can mail us flat envelopes (any size) with things in them.

Click here to a link for our "Wish List". Any of these things that will fit in an envelope (shipping or business size) (even if its packed!) will be great. If you are asked to complete a form with the contents and their prices, please use lowest price possible. This will help reduce any cost we may incur.

We also LOVE just getting cards, pictures, words of encouragement, etc.

Also, many times a year teams come to serve at Missions of Hope and sometimes they have room to bring stuff to the team. If you have something bigger than envelope size you would like to send us, please let us know and we can try and arrange this.

So many of you have been so incredibly generous to us and we are in NO way asking for anything more. We just want to answer a question we have been asked a lot. We are so thankful for the generosity and encouragement we regularly receive.

The Mundane

Everyone continues to assure us that people really want to know about our daily lives.  The ordinary. The mundane.  And to be honest, life is beginning to look ordinary.  We are developing habits and routines.  We are finding our way to different places, learning to drive,  and how to do things on our own.  

Until we came here I didn't realize just how much I crave routine.  Although I love adventure and trying new things, my heart longs for familiarity, for some semblance of a schedule.  When you move you obviously forego those things for awhile and I am thankful to be getting some of that back.  However, the ordinary, the mundane, the boring also scares me.  In the very depths of my soul it frightens me because in the normalcy I get comfortable. I trust in the routine, in the known.  I confess, I don't look for Jesus as much when I know how to navigate my world.  I just hate this.  I know that part of who I am just needs a schedule, to know what to expect and what is expected, but my heart that also longs for Jesus hates this because I miss Him.  I don't always see that He is all around me.  All the time. In everything.

When we first got here, I couldn't have missed Jesus in anything.  Even if I wanted to.  It felt like every step I took He was there, guiding it.  I think it would have been impossible for Him to feel any closer, but almost 2 months have passed.  We are familiarizing ourselves with Missions of Hope.  Tim has been driving and we know how to get several places unaided.  The grocery store that was overwhelming has now become known.  Our apartment feels like our home.  When frustrations arise we are learning how to handle them.  In all this, I find myself not clinging to Jesus like I did. Like I should.  Like I want to.

I think that the routine was in many ways a gift from Him to me.  He knows I need this so out of love He provides.  He wants me (us) here so He is helping make this transition as smooth as it can be.  My choice now is to hold on to what is becoming comfortable or to continue to hold on to Jesus.  To be disciplined enough to seek Him-even in the boring.  Especially in the boring.  He is all around me.  I don't want to miss it. At all.  Any part.  Of any regular, ordinary day.

A Month Gone By

A month ago today we were sitting in the airport in Detroit.  We had just finished a delicious meal at Chili's.  We napped in the airport as we waited to board a plane for Amsterdam.  Seems crazy to think it has already been a month. If possible, this past month has moved both quickly and slowly.  Here is just a little review of our month:

*We arrived in Kenya.  Got a little rest and experienced some of the worst jet lag ever.
*I struggled the first few days as reality hit me.  Thankful for an incredible husband and family.  Most importantly, thankful for God's graciousness.  He continues to remind us that we are where we should be.
*We took our first bus ride and went to Tanzania for the first time.
*We witnessed firsthand that Tanzania is both beautiful and full of nature and nature is LOUD!
*We waged war on our plague of crickets.
* We finished language school and even have the certificates to prove it.
*We moved into our apartment.
*We started orientation to Missions of Hope.
*I have learned that I want to know how to do everything and be an expert immediately. Turns out, life just doesn't work that way.  Thankful for a learning curve!
*We learned (okay, were reminded) that we have the best supporters, friends, prayer partners, and family around.
*We learned just how expensive chicken really is!
*We are learning how to use our shillings and stay within a budget.
*We are continually impressing people without flawless Swahili :)
*We are seeing old friends and meetings new ones.
*We have laughed and played with our niece and nephews online. And even got to attend a birthday party.
*We are becoming more and more dependent upon God.
*We have gotten used to killing mosquitoes and other insects.
*I have been bitten by a Nairobi Fly (so gross!) and about 22 mosquitoes.
*We have continually been reminded of God's goodness, his faithfulness, and the truth of his promises
*We are excited for whatever lies ahead!!

Thanks for praying and encouraging us.  Thanks for supporting us.  Our first month has been great and we are certainly looking forward to the coming months!

In the Whispers

Our first Sunday, we stayed in for church since we had no idea where to go or how to get there. We read Mark 9 which talks about the Transfiguration of Jesus. What a huge moment for Peter, James, and John. And Jesus. He was about to reveal his magnificent glory to a few of those who had abandoned it all to follow him. As I read these verses, I definitely get the feeling that these three guys were like WHOA! What exactly did we just see. But no matter what must have been going through their minds or going on in their hearts, there was no way they could have missed the glory of God through Jesus.

Next we listened to a sermon by Erwin McManus in which he referenced 1 Kings 19. Elijah is hopeless and desperate because his life has been threatened. He is so desperate that he is laying under a tree praying to die, when an angel comes along and gives him some food. Utterly hopeless. God brings him to the mountain and asks him to stand there and to wait. Then there is a huge windstorm, then an earthquake, and finally a fire. But God is not in those things. No, he comes along afterwards as a whisper. A still small voice. I began to think that what if Elijah would have decided to stop waiting for God to show up because he wasn't in the big things. If you read back a few chapters, God has allowed Elijah to call fire down from Heaven, bring rain to a land that was parched. God has shown up and done some huge stuff. Elijah couldn't have missed the Glory of God in those moments. But here he is right after all that, hopeless, looking for God again. What if he would have missed the whisper because he was expecting the fire?

How many times do we, do I do this? Like with the Transfiguration, God is so obvious in some things. When we went from 20% support to 60% in a week, it was easy to see God in that. But do I miss him in the whispers? In the moments when He leans so close to my face, breathes into my ear, saying "You are my beloved", "I am with you" "There is no one who could hold you tighter than I do", "See my beauty". Tim and I try so much to see God in the big things as well as the small. When he whispers to us through a Jr. High student who gives a speech in class about what God is doing in our lives, when people email us words of encouragement, when our sadnesses are turned to joy, when the internet works and we get to see our family, talk to our faraway friends. Lately, God has been in the whispers so much. Really, nothing HUGE has happened since we have been at language school. Each day is basically just a slightly different version of the previous day. But God has been talking to us in his still, small voice so much. If we would have been looking to be overwhelmed, we would have missed all that He is doing each day. And oddly enough, when we combine all the whispers, we have found ourselves amazed. Overwhelmed.

May we not miss God in the big or the small. He is alive, active, and always on the move.

We would love to here what God is doing in your lives! Leave a comment or email us and let us know how He whispers to you!

(The fine print: I don't even pretend to be scholarly, or a theologian, or know how to use punctuation! These are just my thoughts!)

8 days later

Well, we have made it through a week and a day of language school. Since we are still here and our brains have not exploded, I'm gonna call it a success. I joke with Tim that school appears to be making me dumber. The other night he had to explain to me why when it is light here it is dark in the US. I guess new Swahili words are just taking up too much space in the brain.

A typical day for us is to eat breakfast and begin class at 8:30 a.m. We have a wonderful teacher named Godson and there are only two other people in our class. One girl is from Italy and the other is from Sweden. Both work for NGOs or non-for-profit type organizations here in Tanzania. We are learning a lot of grammar as well as vocabulary. Some days it feels as though we are back in grade school learning language rules, changing sentences from positive to negative, changing statements into questions, etc. We take tea from 10-10:30a.m and then we are back in class until 12:30 p.m. when we break for lunch. In the afternoon we have class from 2-4 p.m. We usually only learn new things in the mornings and in the afternoons we play games using things we have learned that day or on previous days.

The place we are staying at is very nice. We have a little cottage all to ourselves. It has 2 beds and a bathroom complete with a hot shower. It is a bit rustic as we have shared our bathroom with geckos and have killed a lot of crickets. It is beautiful here and the nature that we are surrounded by is very loud! All night we can hear crickets, frogs, birds, and monkeys. Despite all those things, we are getting our much needed rest. The food is delicious and plentiful, but there are days where I would just love a cheeseburger or a pizza. We can have all those things when we get back to Nairobi so until then we wait. And eat rice. And yummy fruit.

We leave here on April 7 and return to Kenya by bus. The bus ride here was nice and it allowed us to see a part of Kenya we had never seen before. Tanzania is beautiful. It is very green and lush. We are located near Mt. Meru and Arusha National Park. On a clear day, you can see Mt. Kilimanjaro from here, but sadly we have yet to see it.

In the picture (which Tim took, doesn't he do a great job?!) You can see Mt. Meru and a giraffe. This was taken while we were on a walking safari. It was so incredible as we were able to get super close to giraffes and water buffalo.

Once we return to Nairobi, we should move into our apartment and start working. We are so thankful to be here. Although there were some days for me especially that were a little rough, we have never questioned our desire to be here. We belong here and we love it.

Until next time, tutaonana baadye!! (See you later!)

So it begins

I am not even sure where to begin. It has not quite been a week since we arrived and it already feels as though it has been such a long time. Perhaps I should begin with a disclaimer stating that we are doing great! I (this is Alicia writing) have struggled with wanting to be completely transparent on this blog and knowing that some things don't translate well in writing. Hence, the disclaimer.

Leaving St. Louis last Monday morning was without question the hardest thing I have even done. Or so I thought. We said our goodbyes and shed tears, but God gave us such peace throughout all our travels to Nairobi. We rested all day Wednesday and on Thursday we went into the city and to Missions of Hope's main center. Later that night, I had a little bit of a meltdown as reality sank in. It is such an odd feeling to arrive at the airport with no return ticket. I was just not prepared for what that would really feel like. Because our past few weeks in the US had been so hectic I don't think I really had time to think about or mourn all that would be left behind. Or maybe you can't experience that until you are gone, until those things are no longer a part of your day-to-day. Thursday night that all hit me. Like a ton of bricks. It knocked the wind out of me. It ripped at my heart.

Months ago we wrote this blog and on Thursday that became reality. Talking about giving things up, trading in all we know for what we have been called to, surrender, etc. seemed so simple when we talked about them. All along this road to Kenya, God has provided markers that indicate we are going the right way, doing what is best. Thursday night was when I think it was time to really surrender it all. To become fully dependent upon God.

Here we are in Nairobi, a place we so deeply love and know and yet all of the sudden it feels so unfamiliar. We don't know how to drive, get around, use the money, and so on. It felt so overwhelming. I know there is absolutely no reason why we would know these things, but it felt like we should.

That night as lay in bed, I wept. I cried out to God from the depths of my soul. I ached for my family, for the known. Tim was so wonderful and God was so kind and gracious. In training we learned about mourning the losses and I think my time had come to do just that. The saying goes that the deeper you love the harder the goodbyes. I can say without hesitation that I have loved and been loved deeply.

During the next fews days I memorized Zephaniah 3:17 which says:

For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a might savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful song.

AND

2 Corinthians 9:8: And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need you will abound in every good work.

I have repeated those verses over and over again. God is sufficient. He loves me. He will calm my fears. He has called me to this place and planted a deep love for Kenya in my heart. He has equipt me with all I need. He has also given me such amazing people to love and who love me back. That means leaving them just stinks. But my life is lived so that Christ may be shared and God may be glorified.

I have prayed so many times throughout the years to be like Jesus. Most times I actually meant it. Turns out that is harder than I thought. I can imagine nothing more beautiful than giving my life fully to Christ and allowing God to direct my steps, trusting him for everything, but in that beauty there is pain. There are choices that must continually be made. I love that God is allowing me to experience this so that I may trust Him. I love that He doesn't just allow us to be part of doing His work on Earth, but he beckons us. He pursues us. He provides reminders and joys and challenges and opportunities for growth. He draws us near. He doesn't need us in Kenya, but He wants us here. Wants us to experience bringing the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth. For that I am so grateful. Even through the river of tears, I am so happy to be here. I am continuing to fall more deeply in love with Jesus. And with Tim ;)

In the midst of the unknown, they are constant.

Thanks so much for all you prayers. We knew you were praying for us. We felt it. Words will never be able to fully express our gratitude. Thanks for reading and letting me share my heart. We love it here and can't wait to see what lies ahead.

Birthday

Today I turn 34. This seems weird to me as I don't feel like what I think 34 should feel like. We don't make a huge deal out of birthdays. Sometimes there is cake, or dinner, or it's a nice excuse to take a weekend trip, but overall not a huge deal. Today I have spent my day in Colorado learning about language acquisition and learning a little Vietnamese. I have received so many kind words and well wishes which have caused my heart to swell a bit today, but it has been a different birthday for sure. Because of this I have thought a lot today about what it means to be born, to celebrate a day of birth, another year.

All around us we are surrounded by some of the most beautiful scenery ever. The Rockies are majestic and breathtaking. I love the walks we take each day, breathing in fresh air, taking in all that surrounds us. We cannot help but be reminded of God as Creator. His hands so carefully carved the mountains, dug out the oceans, placed the moon, sun, and stars in the appropriate places. And so much more. These hands also knit me together in my mother's womb (see Psalm 139:13). In the secret place, before my parent's even knew I was, God was carefully creating me. And he didn't just Make me, he created me in HIS image and breathed His breath into my life.

I like to think as He was doing this so carefully, so intricately that He was thinking over my life. He saw the day I would arrive in the world. He saw my first steps, my first words, my first scrapes and bruises. He saw the day I would accept his Son as my Saviour, the day He would again breath life into me in the form of his Spirit. He saw mistakes made, lessons learned, challenges overcome. He knew all the things He would use to make me who He created me to be. I like to think He saw Tim as my husband and the day we walked down the aisle and commuted both to each other and also to Him. He saw times in my life where I would make choices that would lead to a lot of hurting. He knew ways he could use that hurt to help others who were hurting. I like to think He gave me a tender heart and in that heart he placed a spot for Africa and more specifically for Kenya. I love to think of him picturing the day I would step off a plane in Uganda and He would reveal this spot in my heart that I was so unaware of. He saw me coming back and sharing this passion and longing with Tim and knew that in just a few short months He would reveal the same soft spot for Kenya in Tim's heart as well. He saw the day we would commit ourselves fully to spreading the name and love of Jesus to the nations. He saw/sees all the days that followed the commitment.

As we continue out into the unknown, He knows. He sees. It is so comforting to think that as He was creating me, He sees what comes next.