So it begins

I am not even sure where to begin. It has not quite been a week since we arrived and it already feels as though it has been such a long time. Perhaps I should begin with a disclaimer stating that we are doing great! I (this is Alicia writing) have struggled with wanting to be completely transparent on this blog and knowing that some things don't translate well in writing. Hence, the disclaimer.

Leaving St. Louis last Monday morning was without question the hardest thing I have even done. Or so I thought. We said our goodbyes and shed tears, but God gave us such peace throughout all our travels to Nairobi. We rested all day Wednesday and on Thursday we went into the city and to Missions of Hope's main center. Later that night, I had a little bit of a meltdown as reality sank in. It is such an odd feeling to arrive at the airport with no return ticket. I was just not prepared for what that would really feel like. Because our past few weeks in the US had been so hectic I don't think I really had time to think about or mourn all that would be left behind. Or maybe you can't experience that until you are gone, until those things are no longer a part of your day-to-day. Thursday night that all hit me. Like a ton of bricks. It knocked the wind out of me. It ripped at my heart.

Months ago we wrote this blog and on Thursday that became reality. Talking about giving things up, trading in all we know for what we have been called to, surrender, etc. seemed so simple when we talked about them. All along this road to Kenya, God has provided markers that indicate we are going the right way, doing what is best. Thursday night was when I think it was time to really surrender it all. To become fully dependent upon God.

Here we are in Nairobi, a place we so deeply love and know and yet all of the sudden it feels so unfamiliar. We don't know how to drive, get around, use the money, and so on. It felt so overwhelming. I know there is absolutely no reason why we would know these things, but it felt like we should.

That night as lay in bed, I wept. I cried out to God from the depths of my soul. I ached for my family, for the known. Tim was so wonderful and God was so kind and gracious. In training we learned about mourning the losses and I think my time had come to do just that. The saying goes that the deeper you love the harder the goodbyes. I can say without hesitation that I have loved and been loved deeply.

During the next fews days I memorized Zephaniah 3:17 which says:

For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a might savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful song.

AND

2 Corinthians 9:8: And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need you will abound in every good work.

I have repeated those verses over and over again. God is sufficient. He loves me. He will calm my fears. He has called me to this place and planted a deep love for Kenya in my heart. He has equipt me with all I need. He has also given me such amazing people to love and who love me back. That means leaving them just stinks. But my life is lived so that Christ may be shared and God may be glorified.

I have prayed so many times throughout the years to be like Jesus. Most times I actually meant it. Turns out that is harder than I thought. I can imagine nothing more beautiful than giving my life fully to Christ and allowing God to direct my steps, trusting him for everything, but in that beauty there is pain. There are choices that must continually be made. I love that God is allowing me to experience this so that I may trust Him. I love that He doesn't just allow us to be part of doing His work on Earth, but he beckons us. He pursues us. He provides reminders and joys and challenges and opportunities for growth. He draws us near. He doesn't need us in Kenya, but He wants us here. Wants us to experience bringing the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth. For that I am so grateful. Even through the river of tears, I am so happy to be here. I am continuing to fall more deeply in love with Jesus. And with Tim ;)

In the midst of the unknown, they are constant.

Thanks so much for all you prayers. We knew you were praying for us. We felt it. Words will never be able to fully express our gratitude. Thanks for reading and letting me share my heart. We love it here and can't wait to see what lies ahead.