If you read this blog very long you will soon discover common phrases such as "I cried" "My heart was broken" etc. Its just true. I cry often and somewhat easily. I am rarely crying because I am sad or hurt (although that sometimes is the case). Most times I cry because my heart is sensitive. I joke that God gave me the gift of tears so I couldn't be too tough or to independent. I seriously will tear up at random and over things that don't seem to matter much to others. Sometimes its just plain embarrassing. Anyway, that was not the point of this blog other than to say that today I wept. Really wept.
Last year, we were having some difficulty trying to decide what we wanted for Christmas. We didn't really need anything and it seemed somehow wrong to try and find things to want just for someone to buy them for us. So my family decided to not buy for each other and to use that money to buy presents for another family. It was so much fun and we decided to continue the tradition this year as well. On Wednesday, my mom, sista, and I went shopping to buy gifts for 3 kids who are currently in foster care (and for their foster family). Kim and I did not know them at all, but my mom filled us in on some details of their life. Their short amount of time on this Earth has been heart-breaking and ridiculously awful to say the least. Their story makes me angry. The injustice these precious little ones have endured is a picture of evil at its worst. As I write, I find myself getting angry again so I will move on.
We had the best time shopping for them. We had a list and we bought almost all the things they wanted. We might have went a little bit overboard, but OH it was so worth it! The gifts were delivered while the family was out. I wanted so badly to be able to see their reactions to their gifts without them knowing who we were or that we were there, but we couldn't get that worked out. Today we were told that this was the first Christmas they had ever had! They have never celebrated a Christmas or a birthday. They have never had special gifts picked out just for them to open. One of the children kept exclaiming
"is this one mine too?" and " are these really for me?" When I heard this I wept. I wept much of the time we were at church and most of the way home.
I wept for these children who have had it so rough. I cant even begin to understand all the things they have been through. Christmas for me has always been full of gifts, laughter, family, and love. So much love. I wept because this year they got all of those things. Mostly, though, I wept out of humility and gratitude. There are absolutely no words to describe the joy that I felt in knowing that God chose me and my family to be the folks he used to share his love to those kids, to that family. As I write these word I weep. As I write this, there are 3 kiddos who were so happy this Christmas and felt loved. I weep because through simple gifts, God made them feel special and that they mattered. I weep because tonight they are snuggled up in warm beds with their pillow pets. I weep because tonight they feel safe.
In a few years, those gifts will get worn out. They may break or be outgrown, but the feeling of this Christmas will be lasting. For them. For me. For us.
