On paper I am not sure that Tim and I as a couple makes sense.  As a part of this process we had to take several psych evals and complete several personality profiles.  What we found out was we are complete opposites.  On paper.  We were in no way surprised about this!  Obviously these differences can cause a bit of frustration in marriage.  On the flip side of that, the great thing about these differences is balance. I think we balance each other out so well.  I love it when we work to come up with solutions, plans, answers etc together.  We both bring something different.  Although we usually travel different ways, we always arrive at the same solution.  I am a planner, an organizer, a list maker.  Tim, not so much!  He is laid-back, relaxed, calming.  Balance.  He is more than I would have ever picked for myself in a husband. So much more.  I am so glad God gave him to me. 
     Recently, I was reminded of our balance.  I was getting bunched up (anxious) about all the unknown, the uncertainties.  I like to know what's up, what to expect, whats coming next.  I totally trust God, but I just generally wish He would fill me in on the plan ahead of time.  He usually doesn't.  I have to deal with that.  It is contrary to my personality.  It fits perfectly with Tim's.  We were talking through these worries the other night and I reached a place where I started to feel some peace again.  Then we prayed.  More peace.  Then I began to read scripture. A little more peace.
     I had finished reading Exodus and skipped ahead to Joshua. Moses has died and Joshua has been chosen as the guy to lead the Israelites into the battles they will need to fight as they inch their way toward the Promised Land.  You get the sense Joshua is not so sure he is the right guy for the job, but God has chosen him so he accepts.  In the first chapter, God tells Joshua to be strong and courageous about a billion times.  This trend continues throughout the book.  By the time I finished the book, I had read those words so many times and I knew I needed them too. Right then.  Perfect timing.  Just like Joshua.
     It seems like God knows those thoughts and uncertainties are going to creep up within us (me). He knows my personality.  He gave it to me.  The same planning and organization that lends itself toward anxiety is the trait of mine that keeps Tim and I on schedule.  That gets us prepared. That makes lists and keeps track of stuff.  Not a bad trait, just have to be careful how its used.  When it starts to bother me that I don't have all the answers and I begin to feel that pit in my stomach I remind myself of God promises.  Be strong. Have Courage.  Trust me.  I got this. 
     It is always so conflicting to feel this way.  I trust God totally.  I don't want these feelings. They just appear.  I have to continually give them to God and allow him to comfort me.  These thoughts are not his thoughts. They are not his ways.  They come from someone else. I can live in fear and paralyzing worry or I can turn them over to the One who has it taken care of.  I try. I do, but sometimes its a struggle.
God moves so much in the unknown, in the midst of the uncertainties.  I have seen this so many times in my life and the lives of others.  So often the biggest blessings, the WOW factor of God happens in the unknown. I wouldn't trade that in for a copy of "The plan."  I love seeing God work in ways the defy my plans or thoughts.  I love it when he blows my mind.
     As we move into the support raising stage, the final stage, so many things remain a mystery.  What doesn't is that God will provide. He has lead us to Kenya. He has been preparing us for this for such a long time. He knows what is up ahead and he has it figured out.  He is going to bless us, surprise us, WOW us.  He will give us reasons to again find ourselves in awe of Him.